In the early weeks of October 2020, my mom started to have shortness of breath symptoms once again. Normally this would occur when she is exerting more energy than she normally uses but this time it was different. This shortness of breath would occur even when she was sitting down doing absolutely nothing. I immediately knew something was wrong. She went in for an exam that was scheduled during the month and immediately the X-Ray radiologist told my mom and dad she had to go to the emergency room. While at the emergency room, the doctors found that her pleural effusion is recurring in her lungs once again. Through a thoracentesis procedure they drained almost 1.5 Liters from her lung.

The oncology team and doctors at City of Hope requested a thoracic procedure to take place at Providence. The procedure is known as pleurodesis. Basically, there will be talc between the cover lining of the lung and the wall of where the lung is located in. The talc is “sticky” and will cause the lung to “stick” against the wall of the body to prevent another pneumothorax (when the lung collapses due to large amount of fluid). The thoracic surgeon proceeded with what we call a VATS procedure. This is when a small incision is made and a camera-guided surgery takes place to put talc in the lung area.

Unfortunately after a few days, the talc pleurodesis procedure was not 100% successful. Therefore a PleurX catether needed to be installed in my mom’s lung to drain the pleural effusion. At this point the oncology team also noted that the targeted therapy my mom was on (Tagrisso) was no longer effective and there is a progression in her cancer. The next treatment in line was a combination of chemotherapy and immunotherapy.

Anyone that had cancer or knows anyone that had cancer understands the truth about chemotherapy. While it can be successful, it is a double-edged sword where it can go the other way and make it worse for the patient. The plan was for my mom to treat the pleural effusion and possibly move to the second line treatment combination of chemotherapy and immunotherapy. Immunotherapy is a fairly new treatment in the world of cancer research.

My mom was at the hospital for 20 days until she was discharged. For about a week she was doing okay but then she had a re-accumulation of fluid in the upper lobe. This time the oncologist came and had a frank conversation with us regarding my mom’s prognosis. My mom’s health was declining and at this point she did not qualify for any clinical trial or chemotherapy because it may do more harm to her life rather than potentially extending it. The oncologist gave a prognosis of couple months to several months for my mom. If my mom were to decide to go on chemotherapy, it may very well shorten her life-span at her body’s current state. My mom was at this point under 90 lbs and had very low RBC which is requires her to receive blood transfusion. The palliative team from City of Hope came and discussed with my mom and it was decided that the goal of care was no longer treating the disease but quality of life. This means mom was going to be entering in-home hospice. This doesn’t mean it is the end necessarily because there are rare cases when people come out of hospice after they get physically better.

When one hears the word “hospice” they immediately think of the negative but there are also some positive considerations one must make regarding hospice. Quality of life is important especially if one has a disease that is now considered terminal. Doctors may not know everything perfectly 100% but they make pretty strong prognosis based on research and math. While there are rare cases of miracles, most of the time the prognosis tends to be correct. Does this mean that our family accepts this prognosis? Not exactly. It simply means we understand the reality of what is happening but we’ll keep pressing forward refusing to accept the reality until it actually happens. I know that may seem difficult for some to understand but if you were in my shoe, it makes perfect sense.

How am I coping or dealing with this?

This is perhaps the question I received the most after sharing this news with others. I’m actually fine spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I think there are several reasons behind this.

First, I understand that this home in Earth is temporarily and one day I’ll see my mom once again. It is a temporary separation from her. My mom is a born-again Christian and the Bible is very clear that those that have faith in Christ alone will spend eternity with Him. I am thankful for God’s amazing grace and for eternity in Heaven (John 10:27-28).

Second, the length of seeing my mom suffer through the pain of having a terrible disease plays a major role in how you feel emotionally. I do not want to see my mom suffer. I don’t want to see her unhappy or in tears. I want her to be happy and in peace. The hospice team is amazing and in the end whatever the outcome, I want my mom to feel comfortable.

Third, we have assurance to cast our burdens on the Lord (1 Peter 5:7). We can share everything with God. The trials and even the genuine emotional anger, sadness, frustration, we may have within ourselves. I am thankful for God’s comfort and amazing grace. He knows what we are going through. He is our fortress and our refuge (Psalm 91:1-2). Every evening when I do my devotions, I find peace and comfort in the Lord.

Fourth, I have a strong support group. I am so thankful for my dad. He is the strongest man I know. It is obvious through this that my dad loves my mom. He is doing everything he can for her, to make her happy. I never recognized this but through the past year I realize that this is an amazing husband and father. I’m also thankful for some of my family. They’ve been a great support group. My aunts (mom’s sisters) families and my dad’s older brother’s family have been truly helpful to us through these difficult times. I’m also thankful for my closest friends. There are three groups of friends I’m close to that are helping me get through this. My closest friend group has been there for me almost everyday. All three groups are also godly Christians and we spend time together in prayer. I’m also thankful for my church. They’ve been a tremendous blessing by doing so much like praying, making food, donating, and other helpful things.

Fifth, I have time. I’m spending much of that with my mom. Recording through two avenues; voice recording on my iPhone and writing down in a mom+son journal we have. This past year, I’ve gotten particularly close to her more than any other year. Obviously there is a big trial in our family that has brought us together and I wish that wasn’t the case. However I am thankful for the time God has given us to spend together (a little more than an year).

Thank you for those that have been supporting my mom through prayer or any other means. Thank you for supporting our family as we go through this together. We truly appreciate it. Our family has learned so much through this trial yet our faith in the Lord is stronger more today than it has ever been before. Please continue to show your support by praying and helping in any way. Thank you and God bless!