James 1:19 gives us a reminder for “…every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath…” Sometimes if we are not careful, we jump to conclusions and we say whatever we want without thinking. In my opinion, one of the top attributes of a very good person is the ability to sit back and listen to others.

Here are some important reminders today on listening.

Look at the person, not through the person.
One of the best advices I’ve heard from an older leader at the conference I was at. Don’t you hate it when you are talking to someone but their eyes and their body language are clearly showing they are not paying attention to you? Yes it is that obvious. It’s also rude and not honest. When you are listening to someone else, make sure you give them your entire undivided attention. They are human and they deserve respect.

Use their name in your conversation.
In his book: How to Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie mentions that “…a person’s name is to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language…” Use the person’s name in your conversation with them. It is encouraging and this will also help you remember someone’s name you just met.

Talk about subjects that are interesting to both parties.
There might be certain topics you like to talk about that are simply boring to others. Talking about topics the other person is interested in shows that you are interested in developing a conversation with that individual. If the other person is not interested in what you are talking about but we’re “yapping” away about the subject, it’s not really “listening” to that other person.

Remember little details and use them in your conversation.
Prayer requests, small details, likes or dislikes, etc. when you are remember the little details of information shared by the person you are listening to, it shows the person that you are actually listening and showing them that their conversation with you is worth your time. After listening to the little details, use them in your conversation and ask them questions about it. It’ll show that you are listening and also help you remember them easier.

Put away distractions including your phone.
Self-explanatory but often neglected. It’s hard to focus on a serious conversation with someone when your scrolling through Instagram or snapchatting your friends. When someone is talking to you, simply put your phone down for a few seconds then look at it again once the conversation ends.

Do not jump to conclusions or assume, always ask.
Misunderstandings happen because of miscommunication. I remember some strong advice I got from a mentor of mine. He told me to never jump to conclusion over texting because text messages can be vague and without emotions. Always ask for clarification, etc. The same can be applied to an actual conversation. Before you jump to any conclusion or you are confused about a certain aspect of a conversation you had, it’s perfectly fine to ask questions or ask for clarification. It is worse to jump to a conclusion and offend the other person when it could’ve been avoided if you simply asked.

Wait for them to finish before you begin talking.
Pretty self-explanatory but this is an often neglected conversation manner. This includes mentally waiting as well. When someone is speaking to you, you need to be patient with what you are about to say, when are you about to say it, and what you are thinking about saying within your head. Try not to think about what you will say before the other person is finished talking. Let them finish talking, then think, then talk. Oh and it’s perfectly acceptable if there is an awkward silence between you two because you might take a little longer to think about what you are going to say. At least you got the whole conversation without any mental distractions or interruptions, which is very important in giving someone your whole attention.

Be understanding.
People are different from one another. Others might have a different opinion than you and that is perfectly fine. Try to see where they are coming from. Why did they jump to that conclusion or why do they think that way, which may be different from you?

Hope these quick tips and reminders help you to become a better listener!

Disclaimer: These are what I’ve been taught through mentoring and reading, in no way am I proclaiming to be the best at listening through this post.